Welcome to Sawyer Gulch
'"Welcome to Sawyer Gulch" '''is the first and premiere episode of ''Insinuation, the eighth season, and the 142nd episode overall. It was told and narrated by Mets the Mailman, premiering on March 8, 2015. The viewership for the episode nearly septupled during one point. By the end, viewership had still doubled, but it had lost viewers during the course of the episode. In the premiere episode, a criminal defense lawyer moves to Sawyer Gulch and is confronted by a town inundated with scandal and sin. The Episode SAWYER GULCH SQUARE The irritable taxi driver carelessly dropped Austin Devereaux's luggage on the curb before speeding away, blaring ABBA on the radio. Austin stared as the taxi sped out of sight, heading back to the town from whence Austin came. It was on the other side of the Gulf. Austin sighed at the five large suitcases and boxes he had brought with him to his new home: Sawyer Gulch. The town was perfect for him and his wife, Katherine, to live out the next chapter of their lives. It was secluded, peaceful, and relatively bereft of young children. Katherine, the head of a peacekeeping organization, was in the Philippines finishing a school-building project and was due to join Austin in Sawyer Gulch in the coming months. Austin, in the meantime, was to move-in and set up their new luxurious penthouse apartment. Austin looked at the building in front of him. "Devereaux Criminal Law Practices," the sign welcomed. His new office. LAW OFFICE Austin unlocked the door and dragged his luggage inside. He just wanted to check the office out first before heading over to the apartment. He didn't bother turning on the lights. As Austin placed some of his boxes on his new desk, he heard a sort of smacking sound. Rounding the corner, he saw, beneath his desk, was a boy and girl making out. Austin coughed loudly. "Excuse me," he said angrily, "You kids have no business here. This is an established law office." The boy looked up and immediately jumped to his feet. "Mr. Devereaux!" he said, combing his blonde hair with his hands. "Get out!" Austin yelled, pointing to the door. The blonde girl stood, pulling her green shirt down. "Christie, go," the blonde guy said. The girl left the office. "You too!" Austin said. Blondie put up his hands. "Whoa whoa whoa. I'm Bryce Johnston. Your secretary!" "Secretary?" Austin said, "I thought my secretary was going to be delayed." "I was," Bryce said, "The funeral ended two days early." "Oh," Austin said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you." Bryce was about to respond, when the door was kicked open. An African American woman with bright pink hair and a snarky expression strode into the musty air. She approached Bryce and Austin, pivoting on her heel. "Hi," she said irately, "Who the hell are you, why the hell are you yelling, and thank you for disturbing the spirits." "Spirits?" Bryce said incredulously. The woman only blinked. "Well?" she said, "Do I got to come up with the answers too?" "I'm sorry," Austin said, "I'm Austin Devereaux. This is my new office. I was yelling because...well...long story." "I doubt that," the woman said, "There's never really a long story. Just one you don't want to tell." "This," Bryce said, "is Ophelia. She lives next door." "Lives. Works. Thrives. Survives," Ophelia said, "So I appreciate quiet. These walls are thinner than a Victoria's Secret model." "I apologize," Austin said, "I'll be sure to be quiet in the future." Ophelia eyed him. "Good. Tell me, Austin Devereaux, why have you come here? Why, in the name of God, would you come to Satan's asscrack to live?" Bryce groaned. Austin was shocked; Sawyer Gulch was absolutely pleasant. "I was recommended here," Austin, "Apparently this area is prone to murders and murder trials. I'm an undefeated criminal defense lawyer." "Oh!" Ophelia said, "Great! Wonderful! You're here because someone croaks just about everyday. Yes, Mr. Devereaux, we have a lot of murders here. Try 100 in the last decade alone. All across the county. Most of them unsolved. If you ask me, we don't need a lawyer, we need an investigator." "I've never felt in danger," Bryce said quickly, "Sawyer Gulch has been my home all my life." "How old are you?" Austin asked. "24," Bryce replied, "You?" Austin smiled. "39." "46," Ophelia said, "Since you asked." "It was nice meeting you," Austin said, having had enough of her. Ophelia crossed her arms. "Tell me, Mr. Devereaux," she said, "Have you ever seen a dead body?" Austin sighed. "Yes," he said. His job usually required him to visit the morgue, his least favorite place. "Tell me, Mr. Devereaux," Ophelia pressed, "have you ever found a dead body?" Austin stared. "Never," he said. Ophelia gave a slight laugh. "Trust me, Mr. Devereaux, you're about to." Ophelia turned and walked toward the exit. When she reached the door, she turned. "Welcome to Sawyer Gulch." "Sorry about her," Bryce said, shaking his head, "She's insane." "No kidding," Austin said, "I would've pegged her as a killer." "The whole town avoids her," Bryce said, "if possible. She gets no business at all, but she still manages to pay her way through life. She literally works as a fortune teller/psychic/gypsie/whatever. I've been in her shop once with my girlfriend." "Oh," Austin said, cracking a smile, "that girl from earlier, eh? She was beautiful." Bryce blushed. "Thanks. You got a girlfriend?" "A wife," Austin said, "Katherine." Austin looked at the clock. "Speaking of which," he said, "I better head over to our apartment and settle in. I'll see you tomorrow, Bryce." Bryce shook his employer's hand. They parted ways. AUSTIN'S APARTMENT Austin dumped his luggage at the apartment and called Katherine. She was ecstatic to hear he'd arrived safely and told him to take a picture. Austin acquiesced, taking a SnapChat of the empty room and sending it to her. He sifted through a few brochures and found an ad for a diner in the main Square. Starving, Austin left the apartment. He suddenly bumped into a young man in white. "Sorry!" the man said, stumbling. Austin stuck out a hand and helped steady the man. Upon closer inspection, Austin could see he was wearing a medical smock. He was probably the same age as Austin, perhaps younger. "Are you a doctor?" Austin asked, smiling. The man looked down and laughed, realizing he was wearing his occupation's uniform. "Yes. I'm the town doctor. I'm Landon Langdon." "Landon Langdon?" Austin said, "Generous parents." "Seriously," Landon said, "Worst first/last name combination ever. Speaking of, what's yours?" "Austin Devereaux. I'm new in town." "Oh!" Landon said, "You're the new lawyer, aren't you?" Austin nodded enthusiastically. "Well," Landon said, walking toward the stairs, "I hate to be pessimistic, but around here, murders aren't tried; they're unsolved." "Ophelia told me that," Austin said. Landon stopped and grinned uncontrollably. "Ophelia Montana? Pink Top?" Austin nodded and Landon burst out laughing. "What a nut!" he said, descending the stairs. "Where are you headed?" Austin asked. Landon shrugged as they walked. "Flu virus breaking out in town. Two women are sick in the Inn. If I were you, I'd keep myself clean and hygienic." "Thanks for the advice," Austin said. He liked Landon. And how wonderful it was that they lived in the same building! "You're welcome to take the elevators," Landon said as they passed the fifth floor on the way down, "I like the stairs personally. All ten flights." "You're agile, then," Austin said, "How old are you?" "35 last week," Landon said. Austin repeated his age was 39. As they passed the third floor, there was an ear-shattering scream. Austin jumped a foot in the air, his skin crawling. Landon turned gravely to Austin. "Not again," he said. He sprinted downstairs. Austin hurried after the doctor. The scream came from an apartment on the first floor. Landon dug in his pocket for a key and stuck it in the lock. "You have a key to this apartment?" Austin asked. "I'm the only doctor in town," Landon said, "I have a key to everyone's house in case they're too sick to come to the door." Austin didn't bother to ask anything else. The door was already open and Landon was inside, standing over a woman. Dead. Bloody. Her head bashed in. "Oh God," Landon said, "She's the second this month." "The second murder?" Austin asked, horrified. Landon paused, taking a breath. "The second woman." Austin felt a strong hand grab his shoulder and wrench him back. A tall man with grey, wavy hair strutted into the room, gun raised. Austin thrust his hands over his head and crawled to a corner. Landon, however, did not budge. "Head trauma," Landon said, "one blow to the head knocked her out. The attacker used that chair leg." Austin swept his eyes over the older man. A gold star glinted on his shirt. Austin sighed in relief. The Sheriff. "How did she die?" the Sheriff asked. Landon lifted the girl's shirt. The Sheriff didn't even flinch. Austin, however, gagged. "Eleven...twelve...thirteen stab wounds to the stomach," Landon said. "Alright," the Sheriff said, rubbing his head. "I need both of you to come to the station for questioning." Ah, great, Austin thought. Landon nodded in agreement. He helped Austin up and led him out of the apartment complex. The Sheriff called for backup. "Have you been questioned before?" Austin asked Landon. Landon nodded indifferently. "All the time. Sheriff Silas calls me in every time there's a murder. I'm the doctor, remember? I guess you can say I'm also the coroner." "Jesus," Austin said, "How many people live here?" "Roughly 200," Landon said. He cast a glance back at the apartment. "And dropping." SHERIFF'S HOUSE The Sheriff's station was not even a station at all; it was a house. The Sheriff's house. Landon explained there were holding cells in the basement, but most of the questioning took place in the Sheriff's own living room. Above the fireplace, there were four names carved into the mantle: Silas & Isobel Sterling Jet & Natalie Sterling Jet's name was draped in black. "Did he die?" Austin asked, as Landon and Austin sat on a couch. Landon sighed sadly. "Three years ago. Great guy. Murdered in his own house. Natalie's never been the same since." As if on cue, two women entered the room. They carried refreshments. "You must be hungry," the older woman said, "I heard you're our newest resident." "Oh," Austin said, "Thank you! I'm starving!" "This is Austin Devereaux," Landon said as Austin stuffed his face with cheese and crackers, "He's a defense lawyer." "We'll give you first dibs on the trial if we ever catch the killer," the older woman said, sitting in an armchair. Landon coughed softly. "Introduce yourselves," he said. "Oh!" the older woman said, jumping up, "Isobel Sterling. The Sheriff's wife." "And I'm Natalie," the younger girl said. She moved in front of Austin and he swallowed hard. She was stunningly beautiful. She had blonde, curly hair that cascaded to her shoulders. She wore a red dress that was short enough to reveal smooth, slender legs. Austin snapped out of his trance. He was a married man. "Sorry to keep you waiting," the Sheriff said, slamming the front door, "no leads." "We don't have much to offer," Landon said regretfully, "we heard the scream and entered the apartment." "It was locked?" Sheriff Silas asked. Landon nodded. Silas sighed. "Poor girl." The front door opened and a man in a black cassock entered. He wore a white clerical collar. "Ah, Father Kelly," Silas said, "How are you?" The Father sighed. "We live in a town of sin, Sheriff." "No kidding," Isobel said. Silas ignored her. "The last rites have been administered," Father Kelly said, "She was moved to the morgue." Silas thanked the Father. He told Landon to go assist the mortician in prepping the body for the funeral. Landon and the Father left together. Austin was about to get up, but the Sheriff asked him to stay. "You're not in any trouble," the Sheriff said, "I just wanted to properly introduce myself. My name is Silas Sterling and I'm the Sheriff of this town. You'll probably see me and my Deputy more than anyone else; I have very few members of a police force. My wife, Isobel, and daughter, Natalie, are in the house almost all the time so that people can come seek our help." "I'm Austin Devereaux," Austin repeated for the eightieth time that day, "My wife, Katherine, will be joining me in a few months." "We hope you find Sawyer Gulch as charming as we...oh for the love of St. Esmeralda!" The Sheriff turned toward a flash in the window. There a soft squeak and the rustling of bushes. Silas strode toward the front door and shouted outside. A girl was dragged in, holding a camera. "Sabrina, what have I told you about taking pictures THROUGH MY OWN GODDAMN WINDOW?!" "Sorry," the girl, Sabrina, mumbled. "Call her boyfriend," Silas said to Isobel, "Tell him to pick her up." Sabrina had auburn hair tied in pigtails. She wore a blue shirt that matched her camera. "Are you a reporter?" Austin asked. Sabrina straightened. "I'd like to be a professional photographer, but SOME PEOPLE don't let me!" "We're evil," Silas said sarcastically, taking her camera and deleting the pictures she took. Sabrina groaned. "I'm 27!" Sabrina said, "You can let go of me! I'm not a child nor a pet!" Silas let go of her collar. She sat on the couch next to Austin. "I don't have to wait for my boyfriend to pick me up either!" Austin lifted his eyebrows. She had spunk. There was a knock at the door and Natalie answered it. A familiar voice filled the room. "What did you do now, Sabrina?" "Bryce!" Austin said, standing, "How good to see you again!" Bryce's eyes widened. "Oh. Hi. I...uh...I...." "He's here for me," Sabrina said, "He's my boyfriend." Austin remembered this morning. Bryce and the girl. The girl in green. The blonde girl in green. That was not Sabrina. Austin cast Bryce a reprimanding glare. Bryce and Sabrina bid goodbye to the room and left. Austin thanked the Sterling family and followed. LAW OFFICE Austin ate lunch and dinner at the same diner. He unpacked all his belongings and sent pictures to Katherine until she was satisfied with the layout. Content with his first day, and still unnerved from the dead body he witnessed, he went to the office. He saw Ophelia's shop lit up, still open this late. He looked at his watch: 11:30pm. Austin felt a shiver as he remembered what Ophelia had told him earlier that day; he would soon find a dead body. How could she know that? Did she kill the girl? Was she actually psychic? Austin shook away his thoughts and entered his office. Austin switched on the lights and checked under his desk. Good, he thought, no promiscuous secretaries. Austin sifted through the archives he had the former lawyer sort for him. All the murder files were neatly placed on his desk. Austin spent the next three hours reading over them. Sawyer Gulch and surrounding areas had reported an astonishing 103 unsolved murder cases in the past ten years. Today marked the 104th. Out of the 77 actually committed inside Sawyer Gulch, 51 of the bodies were found in the abandoned mine tunnels beneath Sawyer Gulch. Austin found a map of these tunnels. He marked the spots where the bodies were found as a reminder to look into it. Ophelia said they needed an investigator, not a lawyer. Well, Austin thought, I can certainly do both. Austin swore he could hear Ophelia talking all night. The walls were indeed thin; it sounded like Ophelia was chanting Latin. What a freak. Austin finished his reading and switched off the lamp, rubbing his eyes. He packed his briefcase and set the tunnel map on his desk so it'd be the first thing he'd see in the morning. He went to the door. Outside, on the threshold, someone had left a basket of goodies. Opening the card, Austin saw it was from Dr. Landon. Austin smiled and scanned the Square; empty. Ophelia's lights were out. Yet she was talking... Austin quieted and listened. Silence. Had Ophelia gone home? Did she live next door or just work there? Enough with the questions! Austin told himself. He turned and went to go set the basket on his desk. But he dropped the basket. He opened his mouth in terror and yelled for help. A cold hand clamped over his mouth. Austin tried to wriggle free, but it was too late. Dr. Landon Langdon greeted his fellow citizens in the Square and wished them a good morning. He approached the law office. He smiled when he saw that Austin got the welcome basket. He had had a tough first day in town. Landon opened the door and walked inside. He stumbled back in shock. The office was ransacked. Blood stained the floor. And Austin was no where in sight. Landon doubled back into the Square, calling for the Sheriff. Production Continuity and Story Arcs Austin Devereaux meets most of his fellow residents in town before finding a dead body with Dr. Landon Langdon. In the end of the episode, Austin is seemingly killed. Jet Sterling's death is first alluded to. Bryce's scandalous relationship with Christie is first seen, revealing he is cheating on current girlfriend, Sabrina. References ABBA and Victoria's Secret was referenced. Trivia *This is the most watched episode since Adventureland, with more than six people watching. Category:Episodes Category:Insinuation Episodes Category:Premieres